Sorry Holland...I'm out!

If you're unfamiliar with Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley, please feel free to read up as a preface to this entry by visiting here (I'm really not IN Holland lol):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welcome_to_Holland

You can't tell me that I will never get to Italy. Nope. No way, no how. I paid for that damn vacation, I painstakingly planned it, I WANTED it.

I.still.want.it.

No matter how beautiful Holland has started to become, we are jumping ship to Italy. If I have to swim, float, build some damn wings out of tree leaves and branches...we are going to Italy. All the pot in Amsterdam can't keep me wanting to stay in Holland. So sorry, I got my passport and I'll float out of this em-effer on logs if I have to. Your airport might be closed but YOU.CAN'T.STOP.ME. Nope, nope, nope. So dag, I'm off to ride gondolas in Venice, recite Shakespeare in Verona and eat gelato all day long. What are you planning to do about it?? You told me I can't and now I'm just going to have to prove you wrong.

I'm tired of being pointed in the direction of "Welcome to Holland" when I'm having a shitty day. Some of my days are shitty, get over it...doesn't mean automatic banishment to Holland. Some days are great, I can scream from the rooftops about how great my life is. Let's face it though, the smallest of disruptions can change that. Life with special needs, medical needs, any needs that aren't the norm doesn't mean I'll be stuck in Holland forever. Fuck a Holland...we might be VISITING Holland but I damn sure aren't living there. Italy might seem different from the vacation I originally planned, but I'm still in Italy. My baby is still perfect and he's JUST what I wanted. He's perfect in his own way and that means he's perfect period. He might eat differently, develop differently, do a lot differently...but what child doesn't?? So we might be doing things ass backwards here in Italy, but we are STILL IN Italy. If it makes you uncomfortable, Holland is booking one way tickets...go enjoy those windmills and wooden shoes because we're glamming it up in Paris whether you like it or not.

Courage...

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." ~Mary Anne Radmacher

I always hear the word "courage." Sometimes I hear "courageous." Sometimes it's used to describe me, sometimes it's used to describe Karson. One thing I can tell you: that kid is courageous. His courage is ALWAYS roaring. Never is his courage quiet and everyday his courage kicks cowardice and conformity's ass and says I AM KING.

Let's bust our eye open while maguiver-ing off Thomas the Train, just because...and then laughing while jumping back on while mom blogs the story. Courage. Running out in the rain barefoot. Courage. Especially when last spring was spent, well for the most part, in the hospital.

Karson, you are MY courage. My courage to wake up and slip on those BGP (Big Girl Panties for those of you not in the know) and face another day of unknown. My fortitude to stare uncertainty in the face and laugh because guess what?? It's a beautiful morning. And guess what? I get to see perfection at it's greatest. And that my friend, gives me courage.

You...

Are my courage. My hope. My faith. My heart. My love. My hero.

And you...

Are my life. My world. My everything.

What can I say? I am a proud Momma.

Welcome to my normal...

I hate leaving the house. I hate going grocery shopping. I hate the mall. I hate it with.a.passion. I see you normal people, with your normal families, with your normal lives. It all reminds me of how different he is. He's so different that his body takes so much more calories than yours does. He's so different that at 21 months he still fits into a 0-3 month shirt. He's so different that doctors and therapists are his friends...he has no "real" friends his age. His play mates are his brothers, for fear of being around "normal" will bring "normal" germs around, normal germs that would "normally" not do much but cause a runny nose for a "normal" kid. But he's not "normal". Instead he eats differently, speaks differently, acts differently, plays differently. But he loves the same.

I hate his life. I hate it for him. I hate him being labeled as "medically fragile" or "failure to thrive." He hasn't failed anyone...he's succeeded beyond belief. A preemie, with Chronic Lung Disease, caught Pertussis and survived. A soldier indeed. He didn't fail, instead he beat all odds. I love his life. He has brothers that dote on him, love him, teach him, adore him. He has every toy made in the world. Caring doctors. Loving parents. A beautiful home. Safety. He has life. Why such an oxymoron?? Can't he have it all?

It's days like that that I hold in my tears all day long until the last of the boys gets to bed. I can barely make it to 9:00 pm without breaking down, but I have to hold it in. Just until they all fall asleep. Then to the safety of my blog. I can admit that I hate my sons life. If I could switch places with him, I would. If I could send this disease to anyone but my own son...I would. No one would be safe. Not family, not friends. No one. Is this my breakdown? Is this where I cry out to God and ask Him to carry me because I have been beaten beyond the point that I can handle?? All the fighting in the world has me drained...what else do I give when I can't find the strength to get myself up in the morning. But I have to. I have to for him. Where do I find the strength to give my child drugs that could cause so much harm, yet possibly do so much? Where do I find the strength to see my child in pain, but know that beyond this pain may be solace...if they can figure it out??

So I confess. I hate normal. I hate not being able to be normal. All you doctors...I HATE YOU. I hate you hospital. I hate you specialists. I hate you medicines. I hate you feeding pump. I HATE YOU G TUBE. I hate you all. Yet, I love you. I love you because you give my child life. Without you, he wouldn't be here.

This is not my life....

This is not my life. No, this isn't. I have four boys, my life is supposed to be filled with boogers, basketball, video games and strange cartoons (I swear the creators of Adventure Time are totally sniffing something). Instead I have a life filled with hospitals, doctors appointments and specialists. This week didn't disappoint.

Kris is a very sick boy. On Friday he had a cough, it sucked but he was fine other than that. He's always.sick. Always. I told him that if he felt bad on Saturday we'd go to his doctor. Saturday morning he said he was fine, but around noon (of course when the doctors office is closing) he said he thought he needed to go. But...later that night he was fine again. Sunday I decided I wasn't going to give him a choice about going to the doctor, I'd just take him into the Urgent Care Clinic for kids. Sunday came and went, we had breakfast, ran to Costco and Target...all the while he was fine, except for that cough. We got into the clinic, got seen. Pneumonia in the left lung, asthma in the right. Shock! He went home with an inhaler and antibiotics. Later that night he started coughing up blood. Blood!! That was the single most scary thing.ever. So I called his doctor. And we made a morning appointment.

By morning, his inhaler wasn't doing anything at all for him. He was puking every two minutes and was scaring me half to death. That's Karsons job...not his :o( We went to the doctor and he had oxygen saturation around 90-91! What.the.heck. His doctor took a listen to him and declared him one very, very, very sick boy. She said she'd do a double nebulizer treatment, a dose of steroids and if he wasn't satting better than that he was going by ambulance to the hospital for a nice long stay. The treatment went well...he was back around 96 after that. He is on nebulizer treatments every three hours and another appointment in the morning and a chest xray. She then asked about his nose. What about his nose?? Apparently he has quite a bit of damage in the left nostril. We never knew. So he's earned a specialist, too. Referral to an ENT.

Does this ever end? This week alone I had an Urgent Care trip on Sunday, Kris' follow up on Monday, Mini's speech in the afternoon, Wednesday we have a GI appointment, Thursday a follow up xray for Kris and who knows what Friday will bring.

It's been so long...nice to see you again!!

Yeah, I have been slacking. Thanksgiving, Christmas AND New Years all passed without a single blog from me. I'm back now, for a little while at least. So here's the run down before I go back and start post dating all my posts:

November ~ We had a white (very white) and windy Thanksgiving.
December ~ Santa came to town and brought the spoils.
January ~ Has only just begun.

Be back soon...my little pocket sidekick woke up and can't sleep without me. Off to beddy bye...

Enjoy the view...

This is my home...this is my block...this is my street. I really am less than a block away from the bay. It's alright to be jealous...

Kyler-Moo, veterinarian

He loves animals. Any animals will do, as long as they have paws, beaks, claws, snouts, trunks, feathers, fur or pelt. Today's obsession was the seagulls and ducks at the pier. He so graciously took the ENTIRE loaf of (moldy) bread to feed them. He originally threw it piece by tiny piece to each of the seagulls. That is until they started to fly too close and pee and poop while flying near us. At that point he started throwing entire slices of bread into the water...I didn't care what he did, as long as they flew far.far.away from us.

Off we go...shopping, shopping, shopping....

Do you notice that in each of these pictures they are so not entertained. They llooovvee shopping...NOT!

The leaves come falling down

Arriving in Washington in Fall let us experience the beautiful, colorful leaves. There were so many different shades of pink, red, orange, yellow, green and browns around and we couldn't help to admire how beautiful it all looked. Until they all fell off the tree...and into our back yard. Leaving us with tons of leaves to rake.

It was nice out, so I decided it was time for yard work. I gave the boys options...watch the babies for a hour while I rake up the leaves OR rake up the leaves themselves. To my amazement, they wanted to rake up the leaves. So I sent them out with a rake, boots and gloves and got them doing some manual labor. They didn't get very far but we had fun watching them from the warmth of the dining room. The babies had a blast yelling at them from inside and telling them to get to work and stop goofing off.

While they were raking, I sprayed spider and other creature repellent on the windows. I blasted every spider I saw near the windows with a spray of bye-bye. There weren't many, as it's getting cold...but there were enough to justify my time spent spraying the house. Yuck. I also put the pipe insulation on the outdoor faucets. We were supposed to get freezing temps last night, but that didn't happen...so no better time than now to do that.

Ume Takuwan, Zippy's chili, Kikkoman and LAULAUS??!?!??!

Unless you visit the states frequently, you don't know how sad their grocery stores are until you actually live there. While potatoes, pasta and and other "white folk" starches are great...after a week, you really miss rice. Not the long-grain rice...not Uncle Ben's rice...not Rice a Roni...the good ol' short grain calrose rice.

In my sitting-on-the-living-room-floor-throwing-a-I-miss-home-temper-tantrum I somehow found this Japanese market in Seattle. It's called Uwajimaya (www.uwajimaya.com) and it turns out they had a location about 15 minutes away from where we were supposed to go to get the car serviced. They have other locations, too...Seattle, Portland, Renton. So we got out the GPS and found the shortest route there.

When I got there I was in awe. I thought it would be a little rinky dink store with some ramen, rice and some random asian-ness. I digress.

There was a deli that served, get this, LAULAUS. And Kalua Pork. And Roast Pork. And Manapuas. And Potato Croquette. And...and...and...all kinds of stuff. They had plate lunches, and Bubble Tea, and Ramune! They had a full Korean section...with Korean sushi and Korean mochi...just like Palama Market. Anyway, we ate a Hawaiian Plate (laulau, kalua pork, rice and lomi salmon) and it was great. They import the Laulaus from Hawaii and it was pretty good. The plate costs less in Washington than buying it in Hawaii would have!! Kris had curry and rice. The babies ate a Teri Chicken bowl. Good stuff!!

They had Zippy's chili. Kris' favorite Japanese cheetos. They even had poi.

They had natto. They had the Chazuke Furikake. Japanese thick sliced bread. Takuwan...even the Ume Takuwan that I love! They had FRESH, HOMEMADE tofu (made in Tacoma...wow!). Even fresh Okara. They had fresh bamboo shoots by the pound.

They highlight of Kyler's trip here: The fresh longan. Kingston ate most of it though.

After my hour and a half shopping there I was exhausted. My stomach was full of Hawaii and my trunk was full of familiar. <3 Maybe curing homesickness isn't but an hour drive away...

P.S. ~ Random funny: I heard a produce stocker speaking to another worker and I KNEW he was from Hawaii. I asked...and he was. He'd been there for 12 years and I could still recognize his Hawaii-ness.

Oh the huMANATEE....

Well, not really Manatee's but Otters, Sea Lions and all kinda other stuff.

The Seattle Aquarium was amazing. See the pictures. Go to the website. Come visit and I'll take you. Tons of stuff to do...we spent hours walking around, touching, seeing, feeling, loving, watching, playing and looking at all kinds of local sea life. Super awesome aquarium...Waikiki Aquarium must take notes.

To get here we roughed it. No driving this day. We parked at the Port Orchard library, walked about 50 feet to the foot ferry dock, caught the foot ferry (passenger boat) to the Bremerton/Seattle ferry, caught the Bremerton/Seattle ferry to Seattle, walked to the Aquarium, walked to Pike's Place Market, walked to Ivar's (clam chowder, losers!), walked back to the Bremerton/Seattle ferry, caught it to Bremerton, caught the foot ferry back to Port Orchard and then walked 50 feet to our car. It took nine hours...my feet hurt, the kids were tired but it was great. And the weather God's decided to grant us some pity and not let it rain. I mean, it drizzled...but the mega-downpours that were expected were no where in sight.

Oh, and by the way, my feet are KILLING me!

On the ferry to Seattle:





The whipped hot cocoa was sooo good!

Gee...relaxed some?





Photography by Kyler:




Arriving in chilly Seattle:

(Yes, that crazy child is eating ICE CREAM!)






Feeding seagulls french fries at Ivar's after lunch:





Finally at the aquarium:













Bye Seattle!

Big city + long days = tons of fun for the Younge-sters

Seattle is a big place...with tons to do and see. Since we had time in between moving in to our new house and waiting for our boxes to arrive we headed out to Seattle on Thursday to re-enjoy the tourist things for the boys. And of course like the genius I am...I forget the camera. So enjoy the iPhone pics.

We parked at the mall in Westlake and caught the monorail over to the Space Needle.




We found the Seattle Children's Museum, waited around for the free admission to the Experience Music Project (we lucked out, free admission on first Thursdays!) and had a snack. The babies loved the Children's Museum...Kyler did, too (but that's because he's a big baby). Kris had fun playing with the Mini's and running through all the exhibits. It was a great day...the weather held up nicely and the kids had a blast. Weirdly, Chris ran into an old friend right in front of the Space Needle. Shows how much of a small world this really is...millions of people and the one second we decide to go to the Space Needle he runs into someone he knows. Twilight Zone stuff...but moving on...

At the Seattle Children's Museum there was a Clifford the Big Red Dog exhibit, a Hispanic restaurant, a Metro market, a place to build things, a transportation exhibit with tons of trucks, story telling areas, exhibits on gravity and weight, a forest and an under three underwater area. Kyler spent the entire time building a "house" and the babies just ran all over the place. They were just excited to be free...they were in their carseats for so very long. Karson really loved the fish in the fish tank, though. Kingston spent a ton of time "driving" Kris and Kyler in the bus.













We then waited until 5 p.m. to get into the Experience Music Project. It was a great place to visit for free...but nothing I'd pay for. You get to mess around with different guitars, drums, amps...make your own music videos. You can walk through the whole history of music. They also have the Sci-Fi museum right next door. Sorry to be a party pooper..but I really hate sci-fi. We spent about an hour just walking through and being able to say we did it. It was neat...the boys had fun. Needless to say, this is one of the "been there, done that" that we don't need to experience again unless it's free kinda things.